Edge Lord

Much of my pain and disappointment has stemmed from my expectation. I expected to receive much from the world on the account of who I am—whatever that may be. I saw people with wealth, and I thought I deserved that same wealth; when I saw that the path to wealth crossed decades and generations, I came to resent wealth and the wealthy for many of the wealthy did not need to cross the violent and vast river of trial-and-time.  I grew resentful, fearful, and hesitant as time passed—feeling as if I was trapped in a devious mechanism whose purpose was to drain my life and soul to sustain the livelihoods of those that stood on the shoulders of generations. I saw that I was a man living in the shadows of vampiric titans and kniving gods. I attempted to brush away this image as being the result of bruised and temporarily wounded ego, but my heart told me that this was the truth: the world is a tragic place for a tiny man who dares to look up with open eyes.  Regardless, I sense the ne...

I used to believe in the void. I thought that is where I would go when I died. But now I feel uncertain. ... I had a conversation with a painter. I asked, "What is the color of death." I thought she would say black, but she said, "Brown." "I think it's gray," I said. "Gray is the color of death. Not black. Not white. Gray is the color at the end of the universe, when nothing happens: no tension left to spark anything." "Well," she said, "I've never seen the end of the universe. But if you look at something dead, you'll see that it decays and feeds new life." She is quite the empiricist , I thought. But what about me ? What about my death?  What will life be like after I turn into ten-thousand flies? Perhaps death has no color. It is a lens—a magnifying glass, a telescope, a prism. Thereby we may bring the infinite into focus.

If you don't believe anything I write here, you're going to have a bad time. If you believe everything I write here, you're going to have a worse time than I did. ... Live the life of a thousand aphorisms. ... You can't own what you worship. (It owns you.) ... Strife is the law of life. You don't need to spend long seeking it out. Strife will find you. ... Listen, it is not necessary to pursue pleasure nor greatness nor wealth. It is sufficient to live a life dedicated to mindfully avoiding suffering. ... The Logos  is the word (stories, narratives, values in the form of the written and spoken word) that carved their way through time and death and war and famine and plague and generation. Seek it. Learn from it. Its other name is History.  ... God, they say, is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent—all-knowing, all-present, all-powerful. Man, is omnivore— all-consuming. ... At the center of being is void. When the self tries t...